Northwest Wind 2-3 Knots
Temp: 48F
Today was an unusual day. Normally here in the square at this time, the streets are silent and dead. The only noise that breaks the silence is the occasional passing of tanks, followed by foot soldiers. But today, people are present, civilians and soldiers alike. As if no war exists today. A small solace has been bought. A temporary peace and quiet. Hassan, my Muslim comrade, has helped me make a better understanding of his faith. Right now though, it seems, he has put it all on the line since he is fighting in a battle that according to him, or better yet, Allah, has not commissioned him to take part in. Now I think he runs on fear. Not fear of death or of battle, much less fear of the unknown. No, he runs on a fear of his family's future. He has not seen them in 3 years, and desperately wants this war to end so he can see them again.
Even grown men weep here. No one is safe from the threat of emotional catastrophe. Allied or Axis. Fascist or Nazi. Foreign or Domestic. It almost runs like a plague. Morale is what keeps us alive, although it seems that even that is dwindling down to nothing. I find myself day dreaming or losing myself in thought more often now. Even the simple thought of playing cricket with little Kazan, my nephew, puts me into a lull and even gives me a chuckle.
I admire my squadron commander. He is a silent but strong man. Only speaks when necessary. I'm only 22, but one day I hope to be like that man. One day.
~
Tomorrow is my D-Day. My beach at Normandy. Do or die. A friend made reference to tomorrow being the day that I'm honorably or dishonorably discharged. I told him that I'm sick and tired of him making reference to everything I do in some sort of military jargon. But he means well. I think.
So it is. I use this phrase a lot. Sometimes with meaning, most of the time just because it sounds mysterious. But tomorrow, that will be my signing off. Whatever the Creator brings, whether it be a spiritual time-out in my room, or a spiritual "bent over the leg" butt whoopin' with a 2 week grounding and not being able to go see my friend Bobby, I will take it for what it is and for what its worth. I think the biggest obstacles of this process are done and dealt with. Now the only thing lacking is to receive my commission or marching orders and git to getting it done.
I'm nervous right now, but quite honestly, I'm more nervous in an anxious way. Like the way you get nervous and excited the night before going on vacation and you cant sleep. My parents and friends have been supportive. They all say the same thing: whatever gets you back on track. Like I stated earlier, the steps are done. Ive done it by the books. Now its time to see if I get community service or time in the penitentiary.
What I'm sure of, regardless of the consequences, is that I'll return to the ranks eventually. I cant label a time or day, but eventually it will happen. What Ive learned and seen isn't something that's easily forgotten. The world has nothing for me, nothing of value. Its akin to getting your badges ripped off. I think what has gone through every one's mind is the time less phrase that adds insult to injury, rather then help teach a lesson: "you should have known better".
I'm a fighter. I always have been. But now, I cant fight. I wont. I wont be persuaded otherwise. The One who Lies is eyeballing me now. He sees me. He sees and has seen what Ive done. I picture him in my mind standing in the shadows cracking a smile, in a egotistical (and dare I say "Douche bag") sort of way. He's seen this too many times before. He thinks he knows whats going to happen now. Well, I have news for him, news he isn't going to like.
I'm a fighter.
This is a battle he wont win again...
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