Only Dreams Last Forever

Brief intro: This started as a simple feedback project and turned into a great two-sided story of the last moments we have in life

A collaboration done by Nerdy Nini and Myself.
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My body laid there, still skeleton with broken hopes. My dreams were taken n my love was forever unmentioned. Thoughts danced in my mind, raced, showing moments of laughter. Would you remember me? Would you dream of me? Pain shoots through my body, skin so delicate. I turn my head and see you there, staring at me like you were yesterday. My hands reach for you but you fade...I wished he wasn't drunk. I wished I wouldn’t have changed lanes. Should I say goodbye? Can I be healed? Can I be saved?

Call in the night. Shattering the peace. The one you love. She lays lifeless and cold. Fading quickly. Racing to her. Thoughts of us. The night before… her warmth as she lay next to me. Her smile and her laugh. Soft lips and her kiss…flashing lights and panic. Twisted metal and smoke. Blood and tears. Fearing the worst. She doesn't make a sound. Eyes still shining bright. Life leaving her quickly. I reach for her hand, soaked in blood.  Last words leaving her lips.
 “Im sorry darling…I never meant for this to happen.” “Not to worry love, you’re gonna be OK… Everything’s gonna be fine…”
A kiss on the lips. A gaze into her eyes…Can she be saved?…Can she be healed?

He tried to be positive, but i could see the horror in his eyes…I was numb and could not feel the thorns of glass piercing my skin, or the steering wheel in my knees. Yet I could feel his touch and I got to see his shaky smile and that was good enough for me.
“Death seeks me love, you have to let me go, I lo….”
Those were my words before I too faded. This is how I spent my last moments, this day was my last. I got to see him one more time before my life passed. I was healed and saved by you.

My porcelain doll. Torn and broken. Tears rolling down her cheek. Shaking and scared in the cold. The darkness begins to choke out the light. My everything is leaving me. The color is fading from her skin. Her eyes don't shine anymore. Her lips quiver with her last breath. She smiles one last time. She whispers that its her time.
  “…I have to go now…” 
Then she fell silent as those three words left her lips. I remember that night, when the snow flakes began to fall. Just as they fall now, following her into the ground. The cold chokes my words. So I whisper back to her…
" …I love you too."

We live another day. We fight another war.

One of my favorite movies is Ocean's 11. Both the 60's version, and the 2000's version. Class. Swagger. Etiquette. Gentlemanly warfare. I learned how to make a martini watching the Rat Pack rendition.

The final scene with all members of Ocean's 11 in front of the infamous Bellagio fountain always gets me. 'Clair de Lune' is playing in the background. As each member leaves the camera pans around as each face gives a smile or head nod to the next guy in a way as to say "Til next time" or "Here's to life".

The bond between friends should be unbreakable. No matter what life brings and takes, real friends never leave. Good or bad. Understanding. Compassionate. Honest. Willing to lie to you to spare your feelings, but also knowing when to be as blunt and straight forward as necessary, much like Brad Pitt and George Clooney's characters. I'll continue on my search for these friends. Not to replace the ones I have now, but to increase the number.

Lets say, I dont know, to at least 10 of them...

I wish you the best...

Its always after the fact that you come up with the things you should’ve said but couldn’t think of. After you send the text, after you hang up the phone, after you walk away for the last time. You try to say everything that’s on your mind, but some you cant think of, and some you just choose not to say. Goodbyes are never easy, that’s why everyone avoids them. Its then and only then that everything you see, everything you touch and everything you do reminds you of that person. That’s when you feel empty and vacant. Doesn’t matter if its a friend, lover, family member, or someone of great importance to you. They have a special place in you and when they aren’t there, you know it and you most certainly feel it.

Yea, it stings, and its going to for some time. But everyone recovers eventually, the same way a wound heals. Sometimes with a noticeable scar, or best case, with an almost invisible mark on your skin. What do I make of this? I don’t mind a scar as long as I can take something from it, be it a lesson or a memory. As long as I know and understand why its there.

“If you love something or someone, let it go…” something like that, right? I cant remember the last part. This wasn’t a time for me to be selfish even though in the bottom of my heart I wanted to be. I didn’t want to let go. But what if holding on is hurting someone you care deeply about? This entire time I was oblivious to the fact, thinking I was providing some sort of stress relief when in reality I was unknowingly causing part of said stress. So, what would you do?

The ‘what-if’ question was never answered. It never took flight. But the possibility plays on an infinite loop in my head, which of course makes me sad since mental projections is all that’s left. Its depressing, but no where does it say ‘If you try hard enough, it WILL happen’. Its part of life. You win some, you lose some. I hate losing, but it makes you stronger over time. Unfortunately, the feeling of affection wasn’t a unanimous one. You dust yourself off, tip your hat, and start learning to walk again. So even as soon as now, the healing process begins.

One by one, the feelings of sadness will eventually fade. You say you’ll never forget, but you will. That’s how the mind works. It tries to force out the sadness and overcome it with happiness. The thing is, happiness becomes the ‘Holy Grail’ after a spell of sadness. Another guy or girl will come around, and the cycle will begin again. You say you’ll still be friends, but that’s a rare case that almost never happens. But why would you want to be friends after? So you can sit back and watch the person you felt strongly for eventually find happiness with someone that isn’t you? Its the salt in wound. The insult to injury. Once you cross that line, there’s no turning back. Foolish are those who cross that line recklessly. But, to be honest, you made me feel untouchable. Invincible. The danger. Its what I wanted. And that’s why we both kept coming back.

We cant predict or foretell the future. We cant control it. We cant change it. It happens the way it does for a reason. I would like to entertain the notion of ‘maybe after some time passes, then we can try again’, but people change with the times. Nothing is guaranteed. All it becomes after that is a lie to oneself.

“And if it comes back to you, then it was meant to be.” So they say. Time will tell.

I’m not bitter about the outcome. Bitterness can quickly consume a person and turn them against the world. I’m not upset either. Simply…sad. And that’s more then I can handle at the moment. I’m already trying to block out the image of you in someone else’s arms. Happy and enjoying life. But then again, if you’re happy and content without me in the picture, then I’ll gladly step out of the way.

Tomorrow will come, and sun will keep shining. Even though in my mind, I’ll still hold on to the thought of ‘Its not over. It cant be over. Not yet…’, I know I’ll still wake up in the morning and carry on with my routine. Maybe with a little less bounce in my step, but life will go on no matter. I’m going to miss everything about you, but we’ll both forget about it only to occasionally think back to those times when we hear a song, or a phrase. You’ll smile every time you see a car that looks like mine. I’ll laugh at a story you once told me. You’ll remember the fun we would have. I’ll remember the random things you would do. You’ll giggle at my English accent. I’ll replay when you sang to me.

For a split second, we’ll miss each other…

…and then we’ll snap out of it, get back to our lives and realize that things happen for a reason…

…but it was fun while it lasted.

I wish you the best…

Goodbye, Love.

Life doesnt always move as fast as you do.

Back from the dead...

The original post I had didn’t make any sense, so I’m gonna post a Skype conversation. Everyone loves chisme…

“So that it?”

“Yep.”

“All the details?”

“All of them.”

“Wow.”

“Yea…tell me about it.”

“So what are you gonna do?”

“What else can I do? Gonna have to tough it out.”

 

“Are you serious?“

“About what?”

“All of it. You’re just gonna sit there?”

“You have any better ideas?”

“Well, no…It just seems so…vague. So lacking in every area. And somehow that’s enough to tie you down.” 

“Enough to make me want to know more.”

“Yea. That. That’s unlike you.”

“How?”

“In every way. You’ve never held out like that. You’re impatient, you flip everyone off and leave out the back door when you don’t get what you want…I need to meet this girl. See what the big hype is. I know, I know…you told me everything already. But still, what makes this girl so special that its making you act weird? This is my point. I thought you were just being retarded just for the sake of being retarded. But then I find out that its cause of a girl. So I said to myself “oh OK, that makes sense”, but now its gone back to not making sense. Its just…unlike you.”

“(Laughter) Well, like I said. It was a blitz. Unexpected. Partially, that’s what made it fun and interesting. Then as the days went on, I wanted to know more. This is the thing, I sling around a lot of crap when I talk. Right? Would you agree?”

“I would. Whole-heartedly.”

“Douche…OK, well she is the first to not take it. The first to actually say “I don’t care”. She makes her own decisions. If she likes something, she likes it. If not, then she doesn’t.”

“Is it a 24/7 thing?”

“No. She has her sweet side too. But I like when she puts up a fight. I like her aggressive side. Plus, that way I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing and not knowing it, cause I’m sure she’d tell me right away.”

“Well yea, that’s good.”

“She can punch too.”

“As in?”

“As in punch. With her fist.”

“What?! Did you box her or something?!”

“(Laughter) No. Not yet. I have yet to cross that one off the list.

“All BS’ing aside, she is unlike all the other girls you’ve dated or been interested in.”

“Ive thought about that. Maybe I was looking in the wrong places before. Looking for the wrong girl.”

“If what you’ve told me has painted a correct version of this girl in my head, then basically what you’re saying is that you like feisty girls…”

“…Girl. Singular.”

“OK…girl. You like this girl because shes feisty and aggressive.”

“That is a correct assessment.”

“Hmm…”

“What?”

“Unlike you.”

“Look, at the end of the day, I’m either gonna get severely burned, or end up in the perfect relationship.”

“Well, that’s how every relationship goes.”

“True, but I cant help but feel so sure about it.”

“Yea you’re gonna get burned.”

“No faith? No hope?”

“Not right now. You’re setting yourself up, not for heartbreak, but for a stroke.”

“Man, really…come on…”

“Ok, this is why…cause you mentioned already how sure you were, or at least how sure you felt. But not once have you mentioned how sure she was. I just don’t want you chasing after something you wont be able to control. You’ve been in relationships before, you know how they work. Nothing is guaranteed. Don’t make a move, don’t say a word, don’t feel anything until you know what you’re getting into.”

 

“Don’t talk to me like you’re my dad.”

“Well apparently I have to. I just dropped something on you that you haven’t thought enough about. Look at you know. You look like you just saw a ghost. That’s what happens. Jesus, what would you do without me?”

“Chill, I’ve thought about it.”

“And then?”

“Not enough time has passed.”

“Its not so much about time at this point, as it is how much you and her have gone through and talked about.”

…man I hear everything you’re telling me. But I’m not giving up. I’m not letting it go. You’ve known me long enough to know I don’t give up easily. Its not over.”

“When it comes to soccer, yes I know this. When it comes to emotion and feeling?… Let me ask you this…you mentioned the walls she’s built over time.”

“Yea.”

“You said you got through them.”

“I did.”

“But did you break them down?”

“Well, no.”

“How can you run off with the girl if you cant get over the walls? She put them there for a reason.”

“To protect herself.”

“Right. They’re not there just to be there. She’s scarred. How sure are you that you can be the one to ease her pain? You cant remove scars. Sounds like she has plenty of them.”

“I need time.”

“Then what? That doesn’t guarantee you’ll be the guy she wants at the end of the day.”

“Then why would this be happening to me and not some other guy? What did I do that was special or interesting enough to get her attention? She’s funny and smart, not to mention attractive. That gives her the golden ticket to any guy she wants. Why me?”

“Only she can answer that question. So Romeo, get the answers first, then make your move. Not the other way around. I wouldn’t want you to give up. Sounds like it has the potential to be something special since she’s on your mind enough to make you lose sleep. But you have to act smart. If relationships were like soccer games, I wouldn’t doubt you for a second. But the female mind and way of acting is like technology in way. It never stops evolving. We as guys can never decipher it completely. We can get close, but we’ll never have all the answers. Above all, give her some time and space. You’ve heard the saying…”

“Yea…”

“Give her enough room to breathe and dance around a little bit. I’ll be honest with you…Ive fallen into a relationship where the girl just wanted a distraction, not a relationship. Not saying this girl will do that to you, but I’m not saying it couldn’t happen.”

“I could be her distraction?”

“If a lot is going on in her life right now, then yes. You could be the temporary escape for her. When she calms down, she might not need you. Don’t get scared, I’m just showing you what the reality of the relationship you have with her could be. Either way, it sounds like she has a lot of questions and thoughts running loose in her mind. Back off and give her time to figure herself out. Maybe then she might realize one of two things…either that you were a mistake or that you were the best thing to happen to her.“

“…Well, I’ll tell you what I’m not gonna do tonight.”

“What?”

“Get hammered.”

“OK…that’s a start…which is good, because you have 2 units of french due.”

“…Good talk…”

“Good talk.”