No Wind
Temp: 83F
Mirko made mention of how the days feel like they're getting longer and not shorter. Its close to summer now, which only leads me to believe that Mirko's not a very bright man. I got close to death again. My gun jammed on me right in the middle of a firefight. Maybe its the slop and sausage Ive been eating, but I no longer feel the excitement of warfare. As it is, I was in the .1 percentile of people who actually enjoyed defending this country. Now, I don't care anymore. I miss my pub. I miss my hound. I miss Rachel. Oh how I miss Rachel. The way she would sing to me, while I held her. Everything. I miss it all.
Tomorrow we start a new reconnaissance route. Intel says its legit, but really, intel can kiss my union jack hide for all I care. I wish for a few hours I could grab a pint and some chips. Anxious for no reason at all now. I wonder if someone out there could give me an honorable death. End this all. Heaven awaits, friend.
~
Days feel few and far in between. I'm trying to make what feels like the last days the best ones. So that way, if I get the boot, at least I can have some good last memories to keep the loneliness at bay. I had lunch with a good friend today. Correction: best friend. We had some good laughs, some serious talk, and then the infamous "5 minute hug". I explained everything, and everything was understood. I was afraid to mention it at all because the reaction that usually ensues is a disappointing one. Contrary to that, I got the opposite.
"...No one on this earth is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all do. But, you have to capitalize on those mistakes. Did you learn your lesson? Of course you did. Now we both know that its best to expect the worse. Lets say the worse is what your dealt. Learn from it. You're an incredible guy. This will only make you more incredible. You'll make it out. Think of it as a test. I know you. I know you better than you know yourself. And I also know you absolutely hate to lose, like you always say. I know its not in your vocabulary. But this time you have to lose to win again. Start over. Do it from the beginning. With your experience, it should be easier, but more profound for you.
"Look, like I said, I know you already. I know what you're thinking. Will I be here when you return? Of course. I'm going to be the first one to say 'Welcome back! I missed you. We have to catch up.' The same way you always tell me that I hold a permanent place in your heart, well the same goes for me. You have your spot. No one, absolutely no one will take that spot. It'll be different without you. You make up part of my life. More than you know. More then it might seem. More then I probably let you know. I don't want to sound pessimistic, but we both have to be realistic. Understand? I love you. My mom loves you. Your friends love you. After all this blows over, after the dust and smoke settle, you'll be so much stronger. So much more mature. So much more experienced. Also, you'll see that your real friends are the ones that will say 'Welcome back' instead of 'That's what you get'.
"I really will miss you, especially now. Maybe I didn't say it enough, but you mean so much to me. You've been there since the beginning. I remember that time we first met at the asamblea and then again at the party. Instantly you were already giving me 'guy advice'. I have my friends and my best friends, but none of them look out for me like you do. Please put Jehovah first. Please. Promise me you will. I want to see you again. I want us to go to Sonic and eat ice cream after watching a movie. I want to steal your food from Olive Garden and drink your Presidente margarita when the waitress isn't looking when we go to Chili's. Just like old times ;)
"About what you told me earlier, I wont forget it. You're right, I think you do deserve a chance. But like you said yourself, first things first. As of right now, I'm going to concentrate on spiritual goals. Everything will fall into place on its own. When you come back, assuming of course the worst case scenario, then we'll talk. We'll see where we stand. Okay? I promise. I'll be here. My mom will be here. And we'll be praying for you constantly. Come back as soon as possible. If I have to, I'll keep in touch with your mom. I still have her number :P
"If you feel down, just read this over. Read it again and again and again. The pictures. Look at them. As many times as you have to. Put them up on your walls in your room like you used to (just the ones of you and me though, cause those are the best ones :P) Cling to the memories of the good times. I will.
Te Kiero Mucho, hurry back OK?
XOXO"
Quite possibly the best sending off letter I have ever received. Bittersweet it is, no? Who wants to leave after reading something like this.
Like I mentioned earlier, I was afraid to mention this. But like any true friend who has been there through thick and thin, I got a positive reaction. Time will tell.
But hey, at least my dad's not gonna kick me out of the house. Whoo!
"Look how well your hands fit in mine."
"That's cause you're my boo, Boo!"
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